[FREE] Clean Funny Answering Machine Messages
You have reached the voice mail box of your name. I want to hear what you have to say. You want to know why? So leave a message at the beep. Hi…You have reached name. I am unable to answer your call. Leave your name and number and I will...
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Free Funny Answering Machine Messages - Tripod
If you are someone looking to give me a job, press 2. If you are one of the multiple out-of-area code numbers that constantly insist upon calling me, even though you should know by now im never going to answer, press the end button. This is the voicemail box of The Goddess. Bow down and leave your humble message after the beep.
Collection of funny phone jokes. Amusing telephone calls
Hey, oh my god, I was just getting ready to call you. Well probably getting ready to leave me a voicemail, but when I call you back will you let me know? Thanks… Hey… Who is this…. Who…oh, I hate you. You are the worst! Leave a message at the tone. Its not gonna happen so you might as well forget about it. So keep those things in mind the next time you you call me. OK, thanks, bye! So leave a message after my sad sobs.
Read some very funny answering machine messages
Thank you. Would you rather I pretend to be a sofa cushion? Leave a message. Want a simple voicemail system that does a whole lot more? Try Ninja Number free — no credit card required — for 7 days!
Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages
Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life. Wait for the beep. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it. This is funny! If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone.
Funny Answering Machine Messages
Hi there. This is Joe speaking. Hello, this is Death. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. Hello, this is David. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. Hi, this is George. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is Ron. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me? This is his refrigerator. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
Actual answering machine messages
This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. What are you? Now you say something. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. We love to hear your comments about this post. Please leave a comment below, and let me know what you think!
88 Creative Answering Machine Messages
Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life. Wait for the beep. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it. This is funny! If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. Hi there. This is Joe speaking. Hello, this is Death. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment.
Funny Answering Machine
Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. Hello, this is David. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. Hi, this is George. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is Ron. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me? This is his refrigerator. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
Humor Phone Messages
What are you? Now you say something. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. We love to hear your comments about this post. Please leave a comment below, and let me know what you think!
Cut the cute stuff: Best answering-machine messages are short and simple
So leave a message. Please leave a message after my kid stops awkward moment of silence owwwwwwwwwww that hurt! BEEP Hello, caller. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a short message after the tone. This message will self destruct. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it. The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. The new number is Yes, same number. Please make a note of it. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard
Hang on a second while I get a pencil. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me? This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when. Thank you and have a pleasant day. If you want to know where I am, call a psychic. Well well well! You can: A. Leave a message B. Hello… Hello? Can you try calling me back later? Or just leave a message. Hello… Hello… Hello, is anybody there? I figured it was you. You talk. You hang up. This is not a voice mail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device.
The Top 10 Best Answering Machine Messages
After the tone, think hard about your name and reason for calling. I will then think about calling you back. We are presently screening our calls. Everyone else, please leave your message at the beep and we will touch base soon. Semper Fi. Leave your order after the beep. You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on and on, wasting your time. No more. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me!
Funny Voicemail Messages That’ll Tickle Your Callers’ Funny Bone
I promise. Possibly as serious as a zeppelin pilot having a heart attack over a bacon factory, which is the most serious type of heart attack. Because if that zeppelin crashes into that bacon factory, all of us will be without bacon. And that simply will not do. But be careful of what you say because the government records my calls. So leave a message after the beep. Related Posts.
21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages
Now you say something. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message. I pledge to you, dearest caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home.
21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages | Laugh Break
Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot. You have reached We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work. I'm David's answering machine. What are you? Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions. John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message on my front with one of his magnets. Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done Hello, this is Sally's microwave.
Seven Best Business Voicemail Greetings
Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. Thank you for calling If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touchtone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touchtone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touchtone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
Funny Voicemail Greetings
If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension , then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
More Funny Voicemail Greetings - Ninja Number Knows Humor
Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. Bless you, my child, and have a nice day. Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
Funny Answering Machine Greetings
Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I find it. I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember.
Funny Audio Files
I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it Bob here.
Actual answering machine messages - Best Clean Funny Jokes
I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes.
ePub Funny answering machine messages wav Download
There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Funny Answering Machine | All The Tropes Wiki | Fandom
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone The telephone is next to an answering machine You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine You hear a beep I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am
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